Favorite Quotes From South Park

I will start with one of my 3 personal favorites!

#1
Kyle: "What are you doing"
Cartman:"Im Killing you, but i could only afford a whiffle bat so it may take a while"
#2
Cartman: I'm not fat. I'm big-boned.
Stan: No, Jay Leno's chin is big-boned. You are a big, fat ass.
#3
Stan: Oh, my God! They killed Kenny.
Kyle: You bastards.
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Cartman: It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a women's separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

Mr Garrison: I just don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

Eric Cartman: Respect My Authority!

Kyle's Jewish Cousin Kyle: Is anyone else having problems concentrating on this? I just can't seem to concentrate.
Cartman: Maybe we should send you to a concentration camp.

Cartman: Maury, I am out of control. Yeah, I use drugs. I can do what I waunt, biatch! Yeah, I have sex, and I don't use protection! It's my hot body; I'll do what I waunt! I don't go to school and I kill people! What-evah! I'll do what I waunt!

Cartman: You so much as TOUCH kitty's ass, and I'll put a firecracker in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants.

Cartman: You seem a little irritable, Kyle. You got some sand in your vagina?
Kyle: There's no sand in my vagina!

Cartman: How 'bout we sing, 'Kyle's Mom is a stupid bitch' in D Minor.

Cartman: I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!

Eric Cartman: Hippies.They're everywhere. They wanna save the earth, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.

Stan: Dude, dolphins are intelligent and friendly.
Cartman: Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise.

Stan: He's half Jew and half dolphin
Cartman: A...Jewfin

Chef: You know what they say: You can't teach a gay dog straight tricks.

Stan: You know, I think that if parents would spend less time worrying about what their kids watch on TV and more time worrying about what's going on in their kids' lives, this world would be a much better place.

Kyle: I think that parents only get so offended by television because they rely on it as a babysitter and the sole educator of their kids.

Uncle Jimbo: Hell, everything's legal in Mexico. It's the American way.

Satan: Without evil there could be no good, so it must be good to be evil sometimes.

Cartman: Stan, don't you know the first law of physics? Anything that's fun costs at least eight dollars.

Chef: Don't do drugs kids. There is a time and place for everything. It's called college.

Cartman: Mom--Kitty is being a dildo.
Mrs. Cartman: Well, I know a little kitty who is sleeping with Mommy tonight.

Kyle: Kick the baby!
Ike: Don't kick the goddamn' baby.
Kyle: Kick the baby!

Terrance: I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is that you're perfectly healthy. The bad news is that you have cancer.

Stan's Mom: Stan, what did I tell you about watching the Osbourne's? It's going to make you retarded!

Cartman: It's an Afghanistan goat, so it can't stay here, or else it'll choke on the sweet air of freedom.

Stan: I don't want to shoot the bunny.
Uncle Jimbo: No nephew of mine is going to be a tree hugger.
Cartman: Yeah, hippie. Go back to Woodstock if you don't want to shoot anything.

Other Mom: Can Eric spend the night?
Mrs. Cartman: No, I'm sorry, Eric is grounded for trying to exterminate the Jews last week.

Mr. Garrison: No, that's wrong, Cartman. But don't worry. There are no stupid answers, just stupid people.

Mr. Garrison: Gay people, well, gay people are EVIL. Evil right down to their cold black hearts which pump not blood like yours or mine, but rather--a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-sized brains; which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns of violent behavior. Do you understand?

Cartman: Attention shoppers! Outside today, we have a cripple fight. Cripple fight, outside!

and lastley...

Mr. Garrison: Hey, guess what everybody? I'm gay!
Principal Victoria: Mr. Garrison?
Mr. Mackey: What?
Mr. Garrison: I'm as gay as a gymnast on shore leave!
Principal Victoria: You admit it? You admit it!!!
Mr. Mackey: Oh, that's great, Mr. Garrison. You've finally come to terms with yourself!
Mr. Garrison: Yeah, it feels really good!
Principal Victoria: Well, congratulations!
Mr. Mackey: Yeah, congratulations!
Mr. Garrison: You know, I feel like I can start anew. If it's not alright with you, I'd like to go back to teaching the third grade.
Principal Victoria: Oh. I'm sorry, we don't hire gay people.